spicyshimmy: Kaidan Alenko’s Private TerminalOutbox — Key Log, 2183CE Title: Just wanted to talkTo: Commander Shepard12.03.2183CE You know, this might sound crazy, but MESSAGE STATUS: DELETED Title: Thinking about last night To: Commander Shepard13.03.2183CE It was great talking to you the other MESSAGE STATUS: DELETED Title: I won’t send this one eitherTo: Commander Shepard14.03.2183CE If anybody saw me stopping and starting this message they’d probably think the pressurized air systems or the old L2 implants are finally getting to me. I don’t know if they’d be wrong about that, either. But I don’t know if that’s it. I think you’re getting to me. You know, when people say it’s easier to say these things if you’re just writing to someone… I think they’re full of crap, personally. Commander. MESSAGE STATUS: DELETED Title: Still thinking about youTo: Commander Shepard16.03.2183CE Thinking about you’s getting to be a MESSAGE STATUS: DELETED Title: TomorrowTo: Commander Shepard19.03.2183CE Tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow. And yeah, I know, if we build up enough tomorrows, we’ll never get our share of todays.  Easier said than done, though. Like most things in the galaxy.  MESSAGE STATUS: DELETED Title: Hey, ShepardTo: Commander Shepard20.03.2183CE Hey, Commander. Although I guess I should call you Shepard if I’m sending you something like this. You know it’s not usually like me to breach protocol—not anymore, anyway, and definitely not after what happened at brain camp. But I’ve told you all about that side of me. These things I never wanted to share with anyone else, and suddenly… I wanted you to know them. Maybe I needed you to know them, or somebody like you. No. It was definitely you.  I know how important it is to make sure duty comes first. I wouldn’t jeopardize an Alliance mission and when you give the orders, I’ll follow them. Even if it’s to leave you behind—I know the difference between regular instincts and what a soldier should do. What a soldier has to do.  But if there’s even a chance we could be there for each other… I keep asking myself, is it worth it to hold back? And when I close my eyes, I think about your hand on my shoulder, your lips close to mine. Every time, something gets in the way. Joker walks in or I wake up or the hot water cuts out and I don’t know if it’s because of how wrong the whole thing is or how real it needs to be before I can know what happens next.  Am I crazy? Or just crazy about you? If this is out of line, Shepard… I’ll understand if you file a request for my relocation to another ship, to work with another squad. But I’ve built up so many tomorrows with you that asking about today is something I have to do. For both of us, even if it does feel selfish right now.  I’ve been thinking about you. And all I want to know is if you’ve been thinking about me that way, too. All cards on the table, no more playing them close to the chest.  Kaidan Alenko MESSAGE STATUS: SAVEDMESSAGE STATUS: UNSENT 
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spicyshimmy:

Kaidan Alenko’s Private Terminal
Outbox — Key Log, 2183CE

Title: Just wanted to talk
To: Commander Shepard
12.03.2183CE

You know, this might sound crazy, but

MESSAGE STATUS: DELETED

Title: Thinking about last night 
To: Commander Shepard
13.03.2183CE

It was great talking to you the other

MESSAGE STATUS: DELETED

Title: I won’t send this one either
To: Commander Shepard
14.03.2183CE

If anybody saw me stopping and starting this message they’d probably think the pressurized air systems or the old L2 implants are finally getting to me. I don’t know if they’d be wrong about that, either.

But I don’t know if that’s it. I think you’re getting to me.

You know, when people say it’s easier to say these things if you’re just writing to someone… I think they’re full of crap, personally. Commander.

MESSAGE STATUS: DELETED

Title: Still thinking about you
To: Commander Shepard
16.03.2183CE

Thinking about you’s getting to be a

MESSAGE STATUS: DELETED

Title: Tomorrow
To: Commander Shepard
19.03.2183CE

Tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow.

And yeah, I know, if we build up enough tomorrows, we’ll never get our share of todays. 

Easier said than done, though. Like most things in the galaxy. 

MESSAGE STATUS: DELETED

Title: Hey, Shepard
To: Commander Shepard
20.03.2183CE

Hey, Commander. Although I guess I should call you Shepard if I’m sending you something like this.

You know it’s not usually like me to breach protocol—not anymore, anyway, and definitely not after what happened at brain camp. But I’ve told you all about that side of me. These things I never wanted to share with anyone else, and suddenly… I wanted you to know them. Maybe I needed you to know them, or somebody like you.

No. It was definitely you. 

I know how important it is to make sure duty comes first. I wouldn’t jeopardize an Alliance mission and when you give the orders, I’ll follow them. Even if it’s to leave you behind—I know the difference between regular instincts and what a soldier should do. What a soldier has to do. 

But if there’s even a chance we could be there for each other…

I keep asking myself, is it worth it to hold back? And when I close my eyes, I think about your hand on my shoulder, your lips close to mine. Every time, something gets in the way. Joker walks in or I wake up or the hot water cuts out and I don’t know if it’s because of how wrong the whole thing is or how real it needs to be before I can know what happens next. 

Am I crazy? Or just crazy about you?

If this is out of line, Shepard… I’ll understand if you file a request for my relocation to another ship, to work with another squad. But I’ve built up so many tomorrows with you that asking about today is something I have to do. For both of us, even if it does feel selfish right now. 

I’ve been thinking about you. And all I want to know is if you’ve been thinking about me that way, too. All cards on the table, no more playing them close to the chest. 

Kaidan Alenko

MESSAGE STATUS: SAVED
MESSAGE STATUS: UNSENT 

(Source: vanderloo)

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